I confess: I love American Idol. I believe I've watched every episode of every show since Kelly Clarkson first warbled her way into America's living rooms, through raw talent and an "aw shucks, I'm-justa-lil-gal-from-Texas" charm that melted the cold, cold heart of Simon Cowell and illicit music downloaders everywhere. I look forward to the American Idol season the way men in West Virginia look forward to the first day of deer season. The siren call of FRESH MEAT is just too much for us to ignore.
I don't really care for the early auditions. I do think, however, that all Republican members of Congress should be forced to watch them on a continuous loop with their eyes taped open, like in A Clockwork Orange, until they have no choice but to vote in favor of funding programs for the mentally ill. Clearly, American Idol does more to expose the need for mental health care in America than any 500 page tome issued by the American Psychiatric Association. The parade of the the tragically tone-deaf and delusional is hard to watch without wanting to pop an anti-psychotic yourself or at the very least, invest in Eli Lilly stock.
My favorite part of the audition process is Hollywood Week. In Hollywood, the 200 or so Idol hopefuls culled out of the equivalent to the entire population of Kansas who auditioned, are put through a rigorous program of performing, sleep deprivation, and public humiliation. It's like The Stanford Prison Experiment: The Musical. The idea is that the 200 or so decent singers will be reduced to 36 who will, through head-to-head competition, be winnowed down to 12 that America votes on. Those who make it will advance on and be judged by an army of pre-teens and senior citizens with speed dial. Those who don't move on will likely go back winning karaoke contests and performing in the chorus of the local dinner-theatre's revival of "Annie Get Your Gun."
I think American Idol is compelling because they are not just selling you a voice that might sound nice on the radio, they're selling you a narrative. The contestants become not so much individuals, but archetypes that we are genetically programmed to respond to. They are: the Tragic Overcomers (Kelly Pickler), the Teen Overachiever (Jordin Sparks), the Heartthrob (Ace Young), the Nerd with the Golden Voice (Clay Aiken), and The One Who Was Robbed (Most recently Daughtry, but this goes way, way back to Tamyra Gray in Season 1). Already, we've seen the Tragic (Danny), The Teen (Jasmine), and the Heartthrob (Boy Cher, the dude with the eye make-up and mad flatiron skills whose name escapes me). There are others, but I just don't care enough to name them.
American Idol sets up their narratives and reinforces it through the video packages, and repeatedly reminding you that Danny's wife died, as though it's his descriptive Native American name, Danny Wife-is-Dead. No disrespect to Danny's talent or his dear wife, but come on, American Idol, used this way, it seems more like exploitation of the fact than anything else.
Despite all these compelling narratives and their repeated use and abuse, the most compelling archetype, and the one that keeps viewers coming back, is the Trainwreck. Think: Nikki McKibbin of Season One, the edgy rock karaoke singer with serious pitch problems who kept being voted back in due to the abuse heaped on her by one Simon Cowell. Simon was exactly correct in his critique of her, but he piled it on so thick that you could not help but feel sorry for her. More recently, this Trainwreck morphed into the Sanjaya phenomenon, where a good-natured boy with a mediocre voice was propelled into the stratosphere of stardom by a rocket fueled by ear-piercing screams and tears of tween girls. I know. I witnessed this phenomenon first hand at Idols on Tour.
I had thought that the Trainwreck title would be taken by Tatiana, the Puerto Rican contestant with a decent voice and unearned diva complex. Tatiana flit from one group to another during Hollywood week, had numerous meltdowns, and tried to emotionally blackmail America into voting for here. I think the best line I've ever heard on any episode of American Idol is Simon Cowell pointedly saying to her, "Could you try, just this once, not to be annoying?"
Another contender for the Trainwreck Merit Badge was Norman/Nick, a bizarre mash-up of CPA-meets-Lounge-Singer schtick. American Idol teased us mercilessly this week by pitting him against The Heartthrob for "extra drama." Reason prevailed, and Nick/Norman was relegated to the seconds bin of history and he was shown the door this week.
Next week, we get to see Nate, boy with a serious headband-abuse problem. Nate is the final contender in the Trainwreck Olympics, and has a backstory that rivals Kelly Pickler's (mom is in prison, raised by Grandma). As a mom, I have some sympathy for Nate, and depending on his performance and song choice, I might even vote for him. If he can keep the drama in check, and the stylist can convince him to ditch the headbands, he might make it through.
Of course, Tatiana and Nick could be back in the Wild Card round. Then all bets are off and it's Crazy Armageddon, people.
I may or may not decide to post on this, but I will be twittering it. Join me on Twitter during American Idol (Pacific Time) for a play-by-play. I'm usually there with my friend CityMama and others commenting on American Idol every Tuesday night. I'm @glennia on Twitter. It's way more fun when you watch it with others, even your imaginary friends in the computer.
