The Silent "I"

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

We moved to Northern California from Texas ten years ago, and I spent most of the first year plotting ways to get back to Austin.  I didn't like the traffic, the crowds, and the general unfriendliness of the place.  It didn't help that I left behind a large support network of friends, a job I loved, and my family.  Whenever I would ask people in California "What's so great about this place?"  they would invariably say, "Ummm...you just can't beat the weather!" I didn't think that mild weather would ever be enough to make me love a place, and made Frank promise we would go home to Austin when we had kids.

Alex was born, and the world changed for us in ways that I could not have imagined ten years ago.  Having a child meant a new community opened up for us, a group of families with young kids who were struggling with the same things we were.  I got involved in community projects and volunteer work.  I'm not sure when my feelings about California changed, but now, I can't imagine living anywhere else.  I love visiting my family in Austin, but I no longer harbor the dream of living there again soon.

This picture was taken when one of my New York friends came to town for a visit and we visited Fort Point and Crissy Field in San Francisco.  I remember Alex frolicking in the waves, undeterred by the cold water of the bay, the calm grey day, and all the families picnicking along the shore.  Short trips to San Francisco and Napa Valley are just one of the things I love about Northern California, and one of the reasons I now call it home.

Happy Love Thursday!  I hope you love wherever you are, because in the words of D.L. Menard, "No matter where you at, there you are."

AND NaBloPoMo is no mo! Today is the last day, and I made it through thirty consecutive days of blogging every day.  Even if I punted a few times and posted pictures and video...It was a good experience overall, but I'm not cut out to be an every day blogger.  I'm a twice-a-week at best type.  My husband and son are glad this is over so maybe I will stop spending all my spare time at the computer, but there's always on-line shopping.

Also, over at Kimchi Mamas, we have decided to send all of the proceeds of our BlogHer ads and Tip Jar to the Asian Pacific Women's Center. We encourage you to help us share the love by making a donation to our Tip Jar.  100% of the proceeds will go towards helping Asian women and their children who are victims of domestic violence.  Share the abundance of love in your life and remember to give to those who need a little extra help this holiday season.

Good Guys on a Plane

One of the things Alex loves to do when we travel is visit the cockpit when we board.  Most of the time, the pilots are friendly, but this time, Captain Jim Clement and First Officer Kim Minardi went out of their way to be nice.  Captain Clement took this photo and sent it to us, along with a nice note to Alex thanking him for flying United and bringing Dad along, too.  They also let Alex say on the loudspeaker, "Welcome to the flight to San Francisco!"

Last year, if you asked Alex what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would say, "A kung fu master."  Now, he says, "A pilot and a kung fu master."  That's high praise for pilots, considering that his kung fu teacher used to be a stunt man for the Power Rangers.  Alex thinks pilots rank right up there with superheroes.

Even though we occasionally encounter passenger jerks, more often than not, we've found flight crews (and even fellow passengers) to be friendly, welcoming, and helpful.  On this trip, we were flying home from Grandpa Jim's funeral, so the timing of this little act of kindness from the crew could not have been better. 

Thanks to all the men and women who have flown us to our destinations and safely back home again!

Photo Credit:  Captain Jim Clement, United Airlines

Christmas Dreamland

On Sunday night, we had the chance to see the new holiday musical Christmas Dreamland performed by the American Musical Theatre of San Jose. It was a fun-filled holiday extravaganza for the entire family.

I've never been to a Christmas show at Radio City Music Hall, but I imagine it would be something like this.  The premise is a boy falls asleep on Christmas Eve and has some musical adventures in Dreamland.  His toys come to life, he sees his Grandma (who I think was dead, but I'm not entirely sure), and he frolics on Santa's sleigh.  Lots of big production numbers, tap dancing, colorful costumes, and elaborate sets.    It was a little bit Radio City, a little bit Vegas, and a little bit Silicon Valley.

Some of the songs are familiar tunes with reworkings of the lyrics to fit the show, or updates on old classics, and a few originals created for the show.  I normally hate any rendition of "The Twelve Days of Christmas," but their modern take on it was pretty funny.  Alex particularly enjoyed the  "Pipers Piping" portrayed as a plumber wearing low-rise pants with a padded behind.  It doesn't sound that funny, so I guess you'll have to see it for yourself.  I questioned their choice of "Happy Holidays" as the closing sing-a-long number, since no one in the audience seemed to know the words or the tune, so it sounded like "Happy Holidays ...mmmm...bells....mmmm... singing...mmmm... Happy Holidays to you!"

Julian Hornik as the little boy was a showtopper.  He has an amazing voice and terrific range, kept up with the professional dancers, and some of his solos gave me chills.  He's that good.  As they say in showbiz, "This kid is going places."  See him while he is still a sweet local boy, before he goes off to star in "High School Musical: 2015" or "That's So Julian" or whatever. 

There were a few awkward moments in the show and some that left me scratching my head.  The rollerskating clown was a little creepy, and the Busby Berkeley chorus girls made me wonder exactly what was going on at the beginning.  The show does not have a strong narrative focus, and I was hard-pressed to figure out exactly what era this was supposed to represent.  At the beginning, the mom was dressed like Donna Reed or June Cleaver, so the rock-n-roll, Elvis-inspired numbers fit, but the "Up with People" type costumes and songs reminiscent of the seventies and the country song did not. It spanned a wide range of periods and musical styles.   When I stopped trying to make sense of it, I enjoyed it much more.  It is what it is...a glittery Christmas review, complete with polka-dancing pinecones, ballet-dancing puppet pig, and a visit from Santa.

Overall, it was an enjoyable experience, and something you can take the entire family to see.  All three of us had a good time and Frank remarked that he didn't know that there were that many talented tapdancers in San Jose.  Alex was thrilled to meet Santa and when Santa asked him, "What was your favorite part of the show?" 

He replied, "When you came out!"  That kid knows where his bread is buttered, that's for sure.

One more funny thing...the theatre seems to have some kind of problem with its fire alarm system.  We had to evacuate the building about two minutes into the show and stand outside for half an hour while the San Jose Fire Department came in to check it out and give the all-clear.  Since we didn't know if it was real or not, we hurried down the stairs and were the fourth or fifth people out of the building.  The crowd was orderly and nobody panicked, so it wasn't that bad.  We later learned that this happened on Opening Night and during dress rehearsal, which probably accounted for why the actors on stage were so calm when the alarm went off.

Christmas Dreamland runs through December 24 at the Heritage Theatre of Campbell in Campbell, California.

Have Kid, Will Travel

I love to write about our family travels, because I want people to know that your life as a traveler doesn't have to end when you give birth.  I used to think that traveling with a child would be like some kind of medieval torture, and felt sorry for people on planes who lugged forty or fifty pounds of gear along to serve one twenty pound child.  Frank and I went around the world before Alex was born, and though we enjoyed traveling, we didn't know how much we were missing.

Children open a whole world of kindness from strangers that you might not experience traveling on your own.  They also open your eyes to see things you might miss, the small nuances of how life differs in a foreign place, and how much it is the same.  I watch more closely how people interact with their children and how they treat a stranger's child.  Those interactions speaks volume about a culture and about the hope we have for the future.

We  have experienced neighborhood parks in Japan and Argentina, and met other children on swings and slides and contraptions we could not imagine seeing in the US. We have met kids in pre-school in China learning English and writing Chinese characters at age 3 and 4.  Though we were grateful for our play-based, child-centered laboratory school that let Alex make his own choices, we marveled at how disciplined the kids were.  We met kids in Easter Island and Scotland playing soccer, who welcomed our boy who was younger and about half their size, taught him how to play and a few ball tricks, and smiled for the camera.  We met teens atop a mountain in Chile and in Tienenman Square, who wanted to just practice English with us, and were grateful for their openness, kindness, and hospitality.  Although we faced challenges from time to time, these memories stand out as ones we cherish, the memories of kids who extended their hands and their hearts in friendship to strangers from America.

Having Alex with us has given traveling a new depth and richness of experience. I love the look on his face when some new experience or taste or texture of life presents itself...It makes the journey so much more worthwhile to see it and know that my husband and son are seeing and tasting and feeling the same things. 

I think that traveling has been good for Alex, socially, mentally, and physically.  Alex has traveled to twenty-one countries and eaten the dirt of five continents, which Frank credits for why Alex is rarely sick.   He's an outgoing boy, not at all afraid of introducing himself to  strangers, absorbs phrases of other languages like "please" and "thank you" quickly, and sees other kids as opportunities to make new friends, regardless of their age or race or language.

If you're thinking about taking a trip abroad with your kids, I recommend the Travel for Kids website.  It includes a number of "insider tips" on making the most of your trip, and even includes an article on traveling with an infant that I wrote a couple of years ago.  If traveling abroad is not in your plans or budget, check out the book recommendations in each section for some great stories and references on other cultures.  When I was a kid, I traveled the world through books and imagination, and your child might enjoy that as well.  Happy travels!

Photo:  Alex atop the ruins of Leptis Magna, Libya taken by Frank, March 2006.

Rainy Day in Beijing

In November, 2004, we traveled to Beijing, China.  Frank was presenting a paper at a conference there, and Alex and I tagged along.  While Frank was off at the conference, Alex and I took a couple of tours of the city.  One was a bus tour of the Forbidden City and the Summer Palace.  It was raining off and on that day, which made the city seem enchanting and mysterious.  The buildings seemed to rise up from the mist like they were conjured out of a dream.

Alex was four at the time, and he enjoyed riding the bus and running around on the grounds of the ancient palaces.  Our tour guide, Miss Lotus, was tolerant and kind to him, even though he often interrupted her with questions and refused to stick with the group, either running ahead or falling behind to stare at a dragon sculpture or pick up rocks and put them in his pocket. 

We got stopped a number of times by groups of Chinese tourists who wanted to take a picture of Alex.  He obliged, but started to protest about the fourth or fifth time around, which made the young Chinese women giggle and chase him around the square.  They called him "Cutie Boy" and "Lovely Boy" and other snippets of endearing English phrases.  It was like traveling with a miniature rock star. 

Alex remembers flashes of the highlights of our trip--the Great Wall, the preschool we visited, a lady who gave him fruit and candy.  What I remember best are scenes like the ones in this picture--a misty day, red umbrellas and impressive buildings.  I also remember friendly people, the clear blue skies after the rain, and the joy of seeing something exotic and new for the first time.

Coffee Challenged

A few months ago, I got an e-mail from a marketing rep for Folger's Gourmet Selections Coffee asking if I would be willing to review their coffee and blog about it.  To be honest, I hadn't thought much about using this blog for commercial purposes, or the idea that people might be willing to send me stuff to review.  So, I agreed and thought it might be a fun experiment. Who can turn down free coffee?  And how bad could it be? I wondered.  I have a soft spot in my heart for Folger's, since it is the coffee my Granny used to drink, and who didn't love Mrs. Olson back in the day?

The coffee arrived and the unopened box sat on my counter for a few weeks.  One of the things that's been tough for me as a  back-to-work mom is cooking.  OK, actually going into the kitchen is sometimes challenging.  Frank is normally the coffee maker in our house, and he is decidedly anti-flavored-coffee.  He will only drink coffee that he orders on-line from Bayview Farms in Kona.  Since he is Mr. Coffee Snob, I waited until he went on a business trip and tried the first one, Morning Cafe.

I have to say that I liked it.  It was light, not bitter and only needed a little cream and sugar.  I even tried it black, and it was a nice, mellow blend with no aftertaste.  I have to confess that I am a coffee wimp.  I don't like dark, bitter coffees, like the Peet's that everyone around here is crazy about.  I have to drown that stuff in sugar and cream or vanilla syrup to make it palatable.  If you like dark, heavy coffees, Morning Cafe is not for you.  If you like mild, pleasant tasting coffee that only requires a little bit of cream and sugar (or you're trying to cut down on those things), I recommend this one.

I decided that since I am no coffee expert, I would solicit the opinions of my coworkers in trying out the other two bags they sent me--Vanilla Biscotti and Lively Columbian.  The box of coffee migrated off my kitchen counter and to a bag near the door, where it sat for about two weeks before I remembered what was in the bag and decided to to put it in the car.  Good thing this coffee has a loooong shelf life.

I hung up a sign in the break room noting that we were trying out a new coffee and asking people to give a rating from 1-5.  A "1" was "just awful" to a "5", which was "I love it!"  I put on the Vanilla Biscotti, and the first thing I noticed was the smell aroma.  It has a very sugary, caramelized smell that makes you think it will be extremely sweet.  I tried it without the cream and sugar, but it did not taste sweet at all.  It had a mild vanilla taste, but more like the fake vanilla flavoring than the real thing.  I added a little milk, but skipped the sugar, and it tasted pretty good to me.   The smell was kind of over-powering.

My coworkers' ratings were in the 2 to 4 range, and the comments I heard ranged from "I love that smell!"  to "That smells so sweet I want to gag!" 

One person asked if it was hazelnut.  The ratings really depended on whether people liked flavored coffee or not.  If they were flavored coffee fans, they liked it and considered it a treat.  If they were die-hard black sludge drinkers, they hated it. 

The next day, I tried out the Lively Colombian on them.  This one was more robust than the Morning Cafe, and smelled like the coffee that we normally drink in the office  About halfway through the testing, someone replaced the Folger's with Kirkland's.   We've been subjected to this Costco coffee due to cost-cutting measures in the department, because evidently we overspent our coffee budget this year.  Can you imagine lawyers and accountants drinking too much coffee?  Quelle surprise!

Anyway, the ratings on the Lively Columbian went right into the dumper about mid-way through the day, but I suspect it was the Kirkland's, so I can't give you any real data points on this.  Most people I talked to liked it and said it was on-par with the Starbucks that we used to get, before the coffee budget crack-down.   

One thing that was an interesting side effect of this little experiment was that somehow people now think I am responsible for buying the coffee in the office, or I have some decision-making authority over it.  I had to regretfully inform them that I have no power over the coffee purchasing decisions,  and that I was just trying to come up with a blog post.   After inquiring as to what "blog post" was, they sheepishly asked if I would talk to the manager about getting better coffee.  We may have to start a little coffee revolution in the office and demand our rights to quality caffeinated beverages.  Call me the Che Guevara of the Coffee Achievers.

I would have to say my foray into Product Tester was pretty much a failure, but I appreciate the opportunity to try something new.  So, thanks, Folgers!  If you want to try it for yourself, you can go to the Folger's site and they will send you a free sample of Lively Columbian or Vanilla Biscotti. 

Jerks on a Plane

A few weeks ago, we were on the worst flight of our lives.  Frank, Alex, and I are veteran travelers and have been on hundreds, if not thousands, of airplanes, so we have a wide pool of experiences to draw from.  I don't make this statement lightly.

Was it lightening hitting the airplane while we flew near a hurricane en route to Argentina?  Nope, been there, survived that. 

Was is flying over Iowa and having the plane inexplicably drop 500 feet in smooth air, causing the flight attendent to drop a pot of scalding hot coffee on the man behind us?  No.  Not even close.

Was it 4 hours of relentless, vomit-inducing turbulence over the Pacific?  That would have been an improvement.

What made this flight worse than all other flights that came before was being subjected to the boisterous, high-volume conversation of two over-grown frat boys and a woman they picked up in the airport bar.  The three of them managed to shoo away the normal passengers in the row behind us, who were smart to just give up their seats and move to a different part of the plane.  This meant that we were subjected to listening to two forty-something drunks--married drunks--trying desperately to pick up a petite brunette with a lisp.

I was hoping that the engine noise would drown out the prattle, but instead, that only caused them to pump up the volume.  The woman had a speech affectation that caused her "s" sounds to produce a slight whistle.   Even when I couldn't understand what she was saying, the sibilant s was coming through like the lower tones of dog whistle playing the theme from Close Encounters of The Third Kind.  This particular speech pattern is one that runs rampant among University of Texas coeds with big hair and and even bigger boobs. 

One of the men said to her, "Ya know, I'm married, but if my wife ever died, I'm calling you!"  That was one of his better lines.

The woman played coy, and said she was in a long term relationship.  With a Professional Wrestler.  Who was Jealous.  Very Jealous.  And, did she mention that he was 6'5"?  And a Professional Wrestler?  Well, ok, not exactly professional.  He wrestles with the dog.  But it's a big dog.

You might be wondering if I am some kind of Nosy McEavesdropper or something, but I swear they were talking loud enough for the pilot to hear them, behind the fireproof, bullet-proof, cockpit door, which was where I longed to be. 

I imagined Samuel L. Jackson coming to the rescue, karate-chopping the jerks, and taking the woman to the back of the plane with her mouth duct-taped until the end of the flight.  I asked Frank if he could hear what was going on, or if he was spared this by his fancy Bose Noise Reduction Earphones, and he said, "Every word." 

So much for my plan to steal Frank's headphones.  Frank went back to doing a Sudoku puzzle and pretending like he didn't hear anything.  I tried playing cards with Alex as a distraction.  Alex said, "Those men are really loud, aren't they, Mommy?  They need a time out."  I nodded in agreement and agreed to let him have a Sprite, the forbidden joy-juice that makes him go absolutely off his nut.  Why not join in the fun?  I reasoned.

One of the men decided to play a game of "Guess Your Weight" with the woman.  At first, he asked, "You must weigh about 110, right?" 

When she didn't respond, he announced to the plane, "I'm sitting next to this HOT girl who must be all of 100 pounds!" 

When she didn't say anything, he tried again. "You can't weigh more than 90 pounds, right?"

As they continued, I was half expecting to turn around and see Nicole Richie sitting there and seriously considered offering this waif some snacks from my bag.  When she got up to go to the restroom, I took a peek, and she was a rather slim, rather normal looking woman with a lot of make up and wearing enough perfume that my eyes started watering and Alex started sneezing as she stood up.  She didn't look like she was in need of an eating disorders clinic or a Cheetos intervention. The weight guessing was just another ploy to lure this woman into a tryst, since nothing is more flattering to a grown woman than, "Baby, you look like an Olsen twin."

At one point, their conversation turned a bit raunchier, so I slapped a pair of headphones on Alex and turned on Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on the laptop, with the volume as high as it would go.  I searched for a second jack so I could watch the movie, too, but couldn't find one.  At that point I wanted to cry.  I cursed myself for not bringing my iPod, or at least a set of earplugs.  I cursed the airline for not showing a movie on this flight, because even Mission Impossible: XIV would be better than this.

At about this point, one of the men stood up and shouted, "I'm a forty-five year old virgin and I need to get laaaaid!  I'm a virgin and I'm married!  Won't somebody help me? Help me pleeeeease!"

His friend said, "Dude, there is a kid sitting in front of you!"

Jerk #1 peered over Alex's seat, and I could smell his beer-breath hovering over my child.  I decide to say something and I said, trying to be good-natured, "See?  There is a kid sitting here. Shhhh!"

"He's got headphones on!" and then he repeated, even louder, "I need to get laid!" like a Sigma Chi on his way to spring break in Cozumel. 

I imagined Alex dropping the charming little phrase "I need to get laid" on his first grade class, thinking it meant something like "I need to lie down."  I imagined the ensuing conversation I would have with the principal, explaining where he pick that up and my defense that no, it was not from repeated viewings of Animal House.

The flight attendant came by and asked what the problem was.  Jerk #1 repeated his plea, then attempted to hit on her and her fellow flight attendant as well.  She joked with them for a minute and asked them to quiet down a little.   Then she said, "Where's your girlfriend?"

He replied, "She's not my girlfriend.  I'm her therapist."

The flight attendant said, "Really?  She travels with her therapist?"

"No, actually, I'm an insurance salesman.  I just met her in the bar."

"Well, now that makes a little more sense,"  she replied.

He continued, "Seriously, though?  We've known her for like ten minutes and she's told us her whole life story...and complain, complain, complain.   She talks waaaay too much for my taste.  Blah blah blah blah-de-blah.  She just won't shut up. A girl like you, though...Are you married?"

Basically, they spent ninety minutes trying to pick this woman up, and the minute she walked away, they started talking smack about her.  I'm not sure I've witnessed this particular type of behavior since tenth grade.  I thought, Where is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?  I'd settle for Bruce Willis at this point, or even Howie Mandel.

Some flight statistics:

• Length of flight:  2 hours 35 interminable minutes
• Approximate Number of beers consumed by jerks:  38
• Number of times Jerk #1 demanded to "get laid":  13
• Number of times woman was referred to as "hot" by either man:  47
• Final estimated weight of Sibilant Woman:  11 pounds, 12 ounces
• TIme it took for them to turn on her when she was away:  1 minute, 8 seconds
• Dental bill for my tooth enamel lost due to excessive grinding during this flight:  unknown

As a parent, I'm always worried that my kids will act up while we're traveling, that he'll have some kicking and screaming meltdown on the flight or run up and down the aisles and disturb other people in the process.  For the most part, he's pretty well-behaved on planes and knows the rules:  Keep your voice down, your seatbelt fastened, and your hands and feet to yourself. If he gets this, why didn't these two guys?   Why is it socially unacceptable to breastfeed your baby on a plane, but it is fine to suck down alcohol and make a total ass of yourself?

By the end if it, all I had to say was, "I'm tired of these mother@#$*$ jerks on this mother@#$*$ plane!"  Next time, I won't forget my iPod.

Photo:  from Snakes on a Plane

Grandma Love

My mom is a natural-born grandma.  She loves her three grandkids more than life, and will go out of her way to see them.  We had the chance to see her recently and Alex loved hanging out with her.  She lets him eat candy before bedtime, she plays games with him, and lets him show off his kung fu moves for hours. 

When I was growing up, the most special person in my life was my grandma.  I'm so happy that Alex and his grandma have this special bond.  There's nothing in the world as magical as grandma love.

TGILT!  (Thank God It's Love Thursday!)

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.  I hope that you are sharing this day with people you love, and giving thanks for all of your blessings.   Unfortunately, we can't be with Grandma and Grandpa today.  I count my mom as the first blessing I ever received, and am grateful for her love every day.

Holiday Wish List for InnVision Shelters

Our local Parents' Club, under the leadership of Jill and Pamela of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog, is once again helping out homeless kids in our area with a Christmas Wish List on Amazon.com.    Jill and Pamela have put together a wish list for families who reside in the Clara-Mateo Alliance homeless shelter in Menlo Park and the new Opportunity Center of the Mid-Peninsula, located in Palo Alto.  There are currently hundreds of people living in these shelters, ranging in age from newborns to elderly folks. The drive runs through mid-December, to ensure that everything arrives before Christmas.

InnVision is the parent organization for Clara-Mateo Alliance and the Opportunity Center, and is the leading provider of housing and services for homeless families and individuals in Silicon Valley.  The program serves about 16,000 individuals each year and was founded in 1973.  According to their website, a third of the people living in Silicon Valley live below the poverty line.  Their website lists a number of ways that people can help the homeless and others in need in our community during the holidays.

I looked over the wish list that Jill posted, and I was amazed that most of the kids asked for clothing, hats, and warm winter gear.  When was the last time your child asked for socks for Christmas?  Some of the requests are for basic necessities, things that we often take for granted.  At this time of being thankful for all we have, find a way to share your gratitude and blessings with people less fortunate. 

I'm also working with the Kimchi Mamas on another holiday giving project...stay tuned for more details on that one!

Silicon Valley Sunset

Before we moved to Silicon Valley, we lived in Austin, Texas.  One of the things that I loved most about Texas was the sky.  You might think that the sky is the sky no matter where you are, but the sky in Texas was somehow different from the sky in Ohio or New York or Chicago. It seemed bigger in some ways, maybe because there were vast expanses of land unecumbered by buildings or mountains or other obstacles.  The sky was sometimes white-blue on hot days, turning imperceptibly darker and bluer until dusk, with a spectacular show of color at the end, the big sky finale of blue, purple, and gold.  We used to go to the Oasis on Lake Travis to watch the sunset, where we would sip margaritas and burst into applause when the sun dipped down behind the horizon. 

In Northern California, the sunsets are generally non-events.  It seems like someone throws a switch and it goes from light to dark in an instant.  There are too many buildings and cars and distractions to notice the sky much.  On rare occasions, we get a treat, and if you happen to be outside at exactly the right moment, you get to see something like the photo above.  We were on our way to the movies the other night and stopped in the movie theatre parking lot to look up and I snapped this photo during the brief show in the sky.  It reminded me of Texas.  It felt like home.