The Silent "I"

Sony Cybershot Photo Fun Mom Event: Turning Moms into Rock Stars

 

Jeannette Kaplun of Todobebe taken with Sony Cybershot DSC-WX9

 Ever wondered what it would like to live like a rock star for a day? I had the chance to experience a little of the star-treatment just before the BlogHer Conference this year, courtesy of Sony Electronics.  I was one of about fifteen lucky bloggers invited to attend a special event hosted by vlogger Kimberly Clayton-Blaine of The Go-To Mom fame.  When she invited me, I had not idea what to expect, and was surprised to find what they had in store for us. 

When I was first invited, all that I knew was that we would be given a Sony Cybershot camera to test out and we would have our pictures taken by world-renowned celebrity photographer Brian Smith.  What I didn't know was that we would be wined, dined, pampered, primped and photographed like we were rock stars. They had me at "camera".

I arrived at the San Diego Airport and was greeted by a rep from Sony who escorted me to a car to take me to the Hard Rock Hotel.  Arriving at the Hard Rock, I was greeted by another Sony representative, who helped me get checked in. Even though it was early in the morning, my room was ready and I was able to unpack and get settled in prior to the evenings festivities. All I needed was an entourage to carry my purse and drive me around in a Hummer, and I would have fit right in there.

Evolution of a BlogHer: 2010 Edition

Last week, 2400 bloggers (including myself) swarmed the BlogHer 2010 Conference at the Hilton New York in New York City.  This was my fourth BlogHer Conference in five years, and each year BlogHer helps me grow, discover something about myself, and move forward to a new chapter of my life online.  Each conference has been empowering to me in a way that has been hard for me to quantify.  For me, BlogHer has been, and continues to be, nothing short of a revelation, an unfolding of a new area of myself to explore and nurture over the coming years.  So, my BlogHer recap this year is not about the parties, the sessions or the friends I hugged (there were many; they were fabulous), but a recap of what BlogHer has meant to me over the years.

BlogHer '06, The Writer: I was a fly-on-the-wall at BlogHer '06.  I had not been blogging long, and really didn't know where I was going with this newfangled blog thing.  I didn't know any of the bloggers outside my little Silicon Valley momsphere. The bloggers I read but didn't know personally, I was way too intimidated to just introduce myself to.  I didn't think of myself as a writer, but a lawyer with a blogging hobby.  At the closing keynote speech, I heard my personal blog-heroine Grace Davis say, "If you have a blog, you are a writer."  That was my revelatory moment.  I realized that having a blog helped me to realize the joy that I get out of writing, and reading the work of other women who love writing as much as I do. I decided to keep blogging and exploring what the inner-writer in me had to say.

BlogHer '07, The Activist: In 2007, I realized the power of community and the power that words have to spur people to action. At BlogHer 2007, I heard Elizabeth Edwards in conversation with Lisa Stone about her husband's campaign and the issues she cared most deeply about--healthcare, poverty, and the environment.  I had the chance to speak with her personally, and felt a kinship to her and her ideas.  Soon after that, Stefania, Beth and I met in a coffee shop in Palo Alto and gave birth to our own form of on-line activism: MOMocrats, a collective of like-minded, highly-spirited, outspoken moms. Although the Edwards campaign (and Edwards himself) faltered, the MOMocrats flourished. Within a  year of launch, we had interviewed Barack Obama, gotten Michelle Obama to guest-post, and were invited to be part of the media covering the 2008 Democratic National Convention.  I met women through MOMocrats that I consider to be part of my tribe and my lifelong friends.

 

 

 

Disney World of Color Slideshow

"Disney's World of Color Premiere"

Create a free slideshow with Picnik!

I created this slideshow on Picnik.com of all the pictures I took on the Disney World of Color Blue Carpet and at the event. Some I've posted before, and some are new. Enjoy!

To Blog or Not to Blog? That is the Question

For the past six months or so, I've contemplated shutting down my blog.  I've done a great deal of soul-searching about my motivation for doing it and whether or not it's worth it to me to continue.  I might be fine to just turn what I normally put on my blog into a series of endless tweets or Flickr stream or Facebook entries. Why bother blogging at all?

I started blogging in 2005, right after a trip to Louisiana to bring needed supplies to families hit hard by Hurricane Katrina.  I was President of our local Parent's Club at the time, a group with 2,000 members, a volunteer position that was more like running a corporation than a playgroup.  I started a blog because what I observed in Louisiana profoundly touched me to my being's core. I felt that that the stories of the people I met there deserved to be told.  I started a blog because many people supported my trip there, people who would have gone themselves had they had time and resources to go.  I felt I owed it to my community to record what I saw and how the money, the air mattresses, the cribs, the clothes, and all the $300,000 worth of items they donated were received. I wanted them to know that the $30,000 we raised in a one-day bake sale for the Red Cross was going to good use. It actually didn't occur to me that anyone who didn't know me would read my blog.

After writing about the trip, I realized that I loved writing. I loved the process of putting thoughts to words, to finding the right phrase or word to describe an experience or an emotion. I have always been a writer and a storyteller. 

How I Learned to Love the Michelin Man

That's me doing the braking demonstration.  I'm now ready to try jumping over Snake River Canyon, I think, or at least drive in the rain.

Race and Collaborative Blogging

Here's what I guest-posted over at BlogRhet on Wednesday. The discussion is ongoing. I'm honored to be a part of it.

...I am a Korean-American, the product of a Caucasian father and a Korean mother.  For my entire life, I've embraced the duality of my heritage, faced being the "Asian girl" in my all-white school in Ohio, and the "white girl" when visiting my relatives Korea.  I am always checking "Other" on government forms when asked about my race.  I am the perpetual "other."

I started my blog, The Silent I, nearly two years ago, to share information about a Katrina relief trip that I took with my friend, Jill Asher.  After the torrent of words and stories spilled out, I realized how much I loved writing.  I then started blogging the stories of our family travels, the small details of places and people we met.  I blogged so that I would not forget.  I blogged to capture memories for my son to read when he grows up, when the places we've been to as a family are only distant echoes to him.  I am an observer and storyteller, bearing witness to the small details and nuances of life.

After blogging on my own for a while, I started to contribute to two collaborative blogs.  As a mixed race person, it is probably only fitting that I contribute to two very different group blogs, one with a Korean-theme and the other made up of primarily Caucasian women who live in Silicon Valley.  My experiences with these two communities have been as different as the two sides of my heritage.

BlogHer '07 in Photos

I've been trying to sum up my BlogHer experience, and am having a hard time.  For the emotional wallop, you'd be better off reading Catherine's and Stefania's posts.  For the funny, read Bossy's hilarious wrap-up with photos or her Readers Digest Version.

Instead, I present to you my BlogHer experience in photo.

I met up with Ann Crady, founder of Maya's Mom, at the airport on the way out.  Yes, she is THE Maya's mom.  Our flight was delayed by about 3 hours, so we missed cocktail parties with the Silicon Valley Moms Blog and the Maya's Mom crew.  We met up with a group of them later, and here she is with the wonderful Danielle of Foodmomiac.

I can't believe I know chicks as cool as these two, Jessica from Sassafras, and Stefania from CityMama.  Not only are they smart, funny, and beautiful, they're also fantastic writers.  BlogHer was full of smart, funny, beautiful women writers.  Jessica, please move to California so we can hang out with you more often.

I stayed at the swanky W hotel, where even the fries came with a chipotle-mango-coulis on the side, which was actually a sort of fancy ketchup.  I think these cost about $150. Okay, maybe $15, but stuff was expensive.  The mojitos were divine.  I'm not a big drinker, so one mojito just about put me over the edge.

BlogHer Session: How to Write Great Political Coverage

On Day 2, I skipped out on the morning sessions of BlogHer in order to meet up with the Chicago Kimchi Mamas.  When I got back, I had planned to go to Stefania's panel on making money with your blog, just to be in solidarity with my Kimchi Sistah-Friend.  The room was so crowded, I couldn't get in the door, so I went to the one I was most curious about:  How to Write Great Political Coverage.

Professor Kim Pearson was leading the discussion, and on the panel were Faye Anderson and Katharine Daniels.  Because it was a relatively small group, Kim was able to break us up into small groups of four or five and asked us to discuss the question: Is a political blogger the same as a blogger who writes about politics?

I was in a great group, and unfortunately, we didn't have a chance to exchange cards.  We discussed our ideas about this topic, and thought that a "political blogger" was one who took a particular point of view and sought to argue in favor of that point of view.  A person who blogs about politics might be one who blogs about politics as a more general topic, or more objectively.  We wondered if a "food blogger" was the same as someone who blogs about food, or a "mommyblogger" is the same as one who blogs about parenting. 

Some takeaways from this session:

• Be clear about who you think you are and what you are covering.  Let audience know what what you are trying to accomplish.  Have to have clarity on what you are doing and develop your own sense of mission. 
• Be transparent with your audience.  If someone comes to your blog, and reads something on a particular candidate, they may assume that you support that candidate.  If you say something negative about a candidate, they may assume that you support the other side. 
• Do your homework and consider the opposing argument and respond to it specifically. 
• Make policy interesting by using YouTube and other multi-media sources to jazz it up.  Make stories accessible by providing interesting links and other related content.
• Use the original source materials, and not what someone else reported.   Don't rely on what the AP has to say about a particular document.  Go the website and read it yourself.  E-mail the person who drafted the report and try to get a statement.
• Call people on the phone.  Ask if they were quoted correctly in the mainstream press, or if anything was left out of the stories you read.
• Let your humanity into pieces.
• Politics is about process.  The story doesn't stop at the decision point.  Bloggers keep stories alive, when mainstream media has abandoned it. 
• Think about what is not being covered.  Mainstream press has a tendency to lose things that are part of the process.  Journalists might not have resources or expertise to delve into the details and follow it all the way through. 
• News media runs on a business model.  It is skewed by the perspectives of advertisers or most attractive audience.  For example, in 2003 Bush went to Africa, so Kim read African newspapers, then NY Times and Washington Post.  It was fascinating what was reported and what was not in the US press.
• Role of citizen journalists is to fill in the gaps.  Focus on your passion.
• Corporate ownership of newsblogs is the same as TV, mainstream. 
• Try to change a blog post into letter to the editor.  Bloggers often overlook how powerful a letter to the editor might be.
• One of the biggest pitfalls of political coverage is the failure to consider competing explanations for your data. 
• Check out Women in Media & News, a media criticism blog.
• Political blogs are not diverse, but like-minded people blogging about thing they already agreed on.  These blogs don't create opportunity for Republicans and Democrats to have conversations with each other and with Independents.  The media presents extremes arguing against themselves, but most people are not on either extreme. 
• Avoid ad hominem attack.  Respond to an issue, don't create issue. 
• Check out the book Unspun.
• Know about what you're writing about, do the research. 
• Stay human.

I've written about the candidates that I've had the opportunity to meet or hear live on this blog, but I don't consider myself a political blogger.  I was hoping to be able to write better about the issues that concern me, and this session gave me a lot of food for thought.  I told a friend of mine that I should start a new blog called "The Undecided Democrat" because that's pretty much what I am right now.  I hope that my reporting on what I see is useful to other undecideds, since I know not everyone has access to the candidates, and it seems like what is reported is only a small fraction of what they are actually saying.

Tonight, I have the opportunity to see John Edwards, so I will probably be taking a break from the BlogHer reporting to write about that later.  Let's see if he measures up to his wife, Elizabeth.

BlogHer Session: "Does the Blogosphere Need an Intolerance Intervention?"

I went to a fabulous BlogHer Session on Day 1 called "Does the Blogosphere Need an Intolerance Intervention?" that was moderated one of my Twitter buddies, Liz Henry.  The panelists were Laina Dawes, Tish Grier, and Kathryn Thompson.

Laina is a Contributing Editor for the BlogHer section on Race, Ethnicity and Culture.  She said that having an open dialogue on race that sparks discussion and debate is not easy to do.  Lots of people are talking about it, but there need to be some rules and regulations for how the blog operates.  Certain dynamics on websites that should be respected.  She has had to deal with lots of trolls, and not just different opinions.   She thinks it is fine for people to say, "I don't agree with you" and state why, but most of the time it is not like that.  Often, people argue that the blogger is being too sensitive, in an attempt to diffuse the situation, or negate the experience.   This is just one of the barriers to honest discussion.

Kathryn writes a parenting blog called Daring Young Mom.  Kathryn said she sometimes writes about topical news issues, but doesn't post them because readers come to her blog expecting one thing, and may be put off.  For example, she wrote about her thoughts on Don Imus, but did not post it.  She is saving them for another blog. She hopes to be entertaining in what she writes, but keeps it clean.  Her first experience of intolerance was with a particular blogger who said she had infilitrated the "legitimate Christians" because she is a Mormon and won a Christian blogger award.  This person singled her out and wrote nasty blog posts about Kathryn, even though her blog is not about her religion.  It was hurtful, and hard to deal with, but her friends in the blogging community rallied to her defense.

Tish writes a blog called the Constant Observer. Her main reason for blogging is to go on A list male blog sites, where there are not a lot of women and challenge them.  Drawing attention to women's points of view is important.  Jay Rosen once posted that women were terrorized on the blogosphere, and she said he was totally wrong.  A-list male bloggers will get rough if you challenge them, and decry the fact that most blogging is an echo chamber.  The echo chamber effect is caused by all men talking in the blogosphere, with no women's voices in politics, technology, journalism in the A-list blogs there to engage them.

Liz posed the question: When do you know if an argument has been constructive?

Laina:  If someone disagrees with you, be willing to recognize validity of the comment.  A true dialogue happens if someone coming to your site will learn something from the exchange.  This will invite people into the site.  If things are presented as black or white, people will easily dismiss it, so you need discuss the nuances.  It's great to have commenters bring opinions and personal stories to broaden the scope of the discussion.

Kathryn:  It's important to allow the discussion, even if you disagree with the opinions of your commenters.  She is pro-life, and wrote a post explaining why.  That post engendered better discussion and understanding for her of the Pro-Choice point of view.  She said the greatest compliment was when a Pro-Choice blogger said, "This is the first Pro-Life blog post I've read where I didn't want to strangle the author" and the commenter is still part of her reader community.

Some takeaway messages from the panel and the audience on keeping the dialogue constructive, and where to draw the line:

• Try to disconnect your own passion for being right, and don't go too far.  Too much back and forth can be destructive.  Delete comments if they are foul, offensive, or threatening.
• Post a comment policy.  If comments are summarily deleted, you may not be showing the full picture of the debate.
• If responses get too personal, shut them down.  Give a warning in the comments, if they cross the line.
• Some people think that trolls should be deleted so they don't get attention. Liz disagrees, thinks there should be forensic evidence of the controversy.  Could "disenvowel" them, by taking all the vowels out of the words.
• Learn to ignore nasty comments, don't engage.
• Let the work speak for itself.  Don't worry about what people are saying. Don't let them bully you into silence.
• Sometimes readers will come to your defense.
• Kill them with kindness.  One audience member had horrible things written about her, but used kindness to diffuse the situation.  Use humor as a defense.
• Cross-link on your blog to people are doing something completely different from what you are doing.  Promote diversity of opinions by looking outside your comfort zone. 
• Social networking tools are not set up for diversity, and expect that people are the same.  Moderators don't realize that this could be a problem. Put in some community guidelines so everyone is on the same page.
• We're all intolerant about different things. For some, intolerance is the thing they won't tolerate. 
• Don't be afraid to disagree with powerful people.  If you do, you must have thick skin, because they often play rough.
• You have power in moderation to take down offensive comments, postings.  Think, "It's my site, it's my brand.  I have to protect it."
• You owe it to your core readers to make a safe place for discussion, and not a place where they will be subject to ad hominem attacks if people disagree with them.

Again, a great panel and a lively discussion.   I am totally in awe of Liz and her moderating skills, and her purple hair.  I learned something from each one of the panelists, and think they are all courageous for doing what they do.

I've been fortunate that I haven't had many negative comments here, but over at Kimchi Mamas, we deal with this whenever we talk about issues of race and culture, or how Koreans and other Asians are marginalized or stereotyped in American society.  We  have many off-line discussions among the contributors about when to delete a comment, and pretty much only do it if someone is just being hateful, gross, or irrelevant.  We posted a comment policy a few months ago, and had to moderate comments for a while after some particularly racist comments.  Since then, most of the negativity died down, and we're back to normal.

I guess if I had to come up with a comment policy, it would be what I tell my son when we go to a play date:  "Share. Be Friendly. Be Nice.  Don't make me come over there."